Ciao, Ragazze!

just came back from the National Geographic LIVE World Earth Day Concert! Rome Chapter! kickin' it from the infamous piazza del popolo!!!! fuckin' AMAZING! there were THOUSANDS of ppl! THOUSANDS!!!! and we pushed ourselves through all the way from the ramses' obilisk to the front stage! the lights were incredible! the opening act,Nat Geo's newest artist Bibi Tanga, was really amazing! she had a stunning voice with a gorgeous african folk beats it was soothing and moving to listen to her. then next was the italian group Subsonica who were like rock music meets electronica. let me not get into how much italians love their fuckin' house music. my god---it's their version of baltimore club music except a thousand times worse! anywho----they were REALLY badass and totally rocked the crowed! everyone was jumping up and down and screaming. there was a lot of pushing and shoving and at one point i was practically lifted off of the ground in the pushing. 

but i had tons of fun regardless. and they were some really nice (and one incredible HOT) italian guys nearby who helped us and stuck by our sides and made sure we were ok when things got too rough. then the main act, ben harper came on. i personally don't think he's that great but his live performances changed my mind a little. he has a really strong and beautiful voice and he's very amazing at playing the guitar. truthfully i only kno him through the video that heath ledger (RIP---LOVED HIM SO MUCH!) directed for him. SO beautiful! but his musical style overall is a bit---meh---for me. 

yesterday was rome's birthday! i went to circo massimo and saw a reenactment of the story of the birth of rome with the brothers romulus and remus. it was pretty good. even tho it's legend, the romans take the story pretty seriously mostly because it connects them to i guess who u could call the "father" of all romans, Mars (Ares). then i went to some place near the colosseum (totally can't remember what it's called) to watch this famous italian singer (can't remember her name either) sing songs in commemoration of the day! 2, 762 years old! whew! ALL HAIL THE ETERNAL CITY! this place has really been through so much...

AHAHAHAHAHA!

u kno that whole saying, "what comes around goes around?" ahhhh...karma's a bitch. thank god i'm nice to most people i meet, otherwise i'd feel like a certain someone who thought she could bring me down but here i am---still alive and kickin. MUHUHAHAHAHAHHA

quote of the day:

"it's funny how everyone talks about Graphic Designers as if they're lepers, when in the end they'll be the only ones that actually will succeed."

--Andrew Michael

ahhhh....i love my friends...

Leaving...

ahhhhh! i'm going to be leaving the eternal city soon! SO not excited! i miss my family and friends but i don't really want to leave. i'm just thankful, rome has opened my eyes to a lot of things. i want to accomplish so much more than every before, i have stronger goals, but i also realize that none of these things will come simply by sitting on my ass and doing nothing. so i'm pushing myself to work harder and having people by your side to support u is most important.

most of all i'm thankful to the two greatest friends that i made here, because they made me happy and they added to my experience here! first is jen! i love jen! she's always so happy and goofy. she can't be on time to save her life. u tell jen, "be ready by 8"---you can bet ur bottom dollar we're not leaving until 10. sometimes it can drive me (and everyone else) up a freakin wall, but she knows how to have fun and she always looks out for everyone around her. she helped me with my italian and encouraged me to speak more. as a result i've gotten better at the language. she's inspired me to come back here (to rome) and do something with myself. it's really not enough to just "dream." she taught me that and i love her for it.

second is momo! momoko-chan! love her to death! always so happy and helpful! if we didn't sit down and have serious talks sometimes, you would never know that she has things she struggles with as well. she's the one that helped me learn to stop stressing the little things and has invited me with open arms to stay with her when i go to Tokyo. my own personal tour guide! and translator! she's offered to hop on full board as a translator for my keiko kitagawa fan site! makes me SO excited---i can learn japanese from her and she can improve her english with me. "i like it!" and "va bene!" her two favorite things to say shows off her positive attitude ("va bene" is "it's okay" in italian). she's inspired me to just have fun and take whatever problems that come my way in stride like it's nothing. and seeing her always makes me happy.

and even tho michi is nothing new (been around that chick for 2 years) we've fought the most this semester! and i think it's because we both has so many things stressing us and our tendencies came out. my laziness and her attitude came in conflict quite a few times. i just love how we trust each other enough to talk things out and how we don't hold grudges. we have the same hopes and dreams and goals to travel the world and become successful and fears that we won't be able to do everything that we want and that we won't be able to support our parents the way we want to. because being an artist is just as hard as being a surgeon---it's just a shame that nobody thinks so.

right now i'm focusing on getting myself together. finish registering for classes, get my loans sent through, pick my job back up, apply for summer classes, find an apartment for next year, and finish reviving my fan site. i can do it ALL. thanks to these people, i kno that i can do it all!

HAPPY EASTER!!!

it's easter and instead of going to mass (i'm not catholic, i'm christian and yes same God but WAY different ways of praising) i rolled out of bed and came straight to the studio. T_T working on my dreaded final project for advanced drawing. it's coming along ok...i guess...i mean, minus the fact that it's SUPPOSED to be a self portrait but it looks nothing like me and i can't fix it because it's done with charcoal and ink pen. T_T

if i was home i would be helping my stepmom cook. i woulda woke up this morning, put on my new sunday dress, hurry and eat breakfast so my dad can kill me with family photos, hop into the car, and head to church. then we would do praise and worship and have an excellent sermon. then i would come home, take off all my church stuff and stand in the kitchen for the next 4 hours, helping to cook a huge dinner. maybe my aunts and uncles bring their wonderful (and occasionally annoying) kids as well as their own food. there would be nigerian music BLASTING (and i mean, BLASTING) from the sound system. when all the adults are settled they'll pop in a nigerian movie and sit around while i run around helping with the food and taking care of THEIR children.

THEN, when all is said and done, all the food would be laid out on the big dinning room table. Uncle John (Pastor) would pray for a long time thanking God for his mercy and for dying for our sins. and then we'd all rush around the food and eat and laugh until we couldn't stand anymore. then i'd stay up helping to clean before going to bed and waking up the next day to do to work. 

IF i was home.

but i'm here, in the holy city of rome. holy week was so beautiful but i missed most of it because i have a lot of final work to do for my classes! T_T i went to go see "stations of the cross" at the colosseum and got to see the pope do his thing. people had candles and recited a lot of prayers. it was REALLY beautiful! HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS of people! i've never seen rome so crowded before! shame i just don't understand half of the traditions catholics do around this time even tho i do the same things in different ways! T_T makes me feel like a heathen! lol i'm sad i missed out on palm sunday tho...easter is seriously one of my favorite christian holidays and waving the palm leaves was something i look forward to every year. but i'm stuck in the drawing studio until late tonight when we'll have a makeshift easter dinner...

roma lost to lazio yesterday. SO glad i didn't get my hands on tickets because it was a miserable defeat against a team that most romans hate (even tho lazio is a roman team) who've been losing their past four games!!!! they scored within the first two minutes!!!!! WTH!!!!! they are DEADLY rivals, i mean---people kill over these two teams. it just really sucks that roma didn't SMOTHER lazio like the should have!

my new favorite song, "Jidai (This Period)" by Hidemi Uematsu

she's a new japanese artist. while i don't kno how i feel about her voice (YET) i got momo to translate what she's saying. u can definitely hear traditional folk rhythms in her musical style (which she inherited from her parents). but basically the song is talking about how all the animals even the littlest things in the world live and breath and fulfill their lives but lately humans have been stagnant and not moving. they sit around watching TV and wasting their lives which might as well be the same as being dead. and she wrote the lyrics herself! so i'll be keeping an eye on her...

Hmmmm

today i woke up crying. and for that moment i didn't actually kno why. at first i thought it may had been something from my dreams but i couldn't remember what i dreamed about. so i'm wide eyed running around with tears streaking down my face and then i realized it: i'm leaving rome. and goodness i have just as many good memories and recently some regrets. 

i've learned a lot  about myself i think. i realized i still have many child like tendencies. i'm 20 years old and i still can't wrap my mind around certain concepts. every time i seem to run into problems many times i push these issues off. sometimes they're really important things and i KNOW that but for some reason, rather than deal with the issues then i always push it off until i'm "ready." and when i DO get around to fixing it, it's too late or i don't have enough time to fully address the issue. somehow i end up defeating myself long before i've even tried and i fill the void in between with all sorts of silly things.

and i keep looking for some sort of acceptance. some sort of reassurance that i'm wanted or needed by someone. so i help others when i should help myself and i look for affection where i may never get it. goodness! it's a good thing i have this incredibly rational mind or else i might as well just be an alcoholic. so i think i was crying because i felt so sorry for myself. because somehow no matter how many times i've told myself that "i've learned from this" i seem to make the same mistakes over and over again. and i do them KNOWING that i'm making these mistakes. and i don't understand WHY i can't just keep whatever motivation that i have to see these things through. i feel like as time has gone on i've just LOST a large part of my spirit and i don't kno where it's gone. because i don't seem to be as strong, as defiant, and as strong willed as before. i think i've become a pale version of what i used to be and i don't kno where i lost the more vibrant me.

so i think because i've discovered that that maybe i've found a piece of something that i lost before coming here. and i've been half looking for it. these pieces--i need to gather them fast and carry them back home before i fall apart! only a couple of weeks left to create more memories. so many these past few days. i'm happy---i guess---but i'm so  heart broken! *sighs* ahhhhhh!